How to work with inner self-conflict

Do you experience inner self-conflict? Do you struggle making up your mind?

First of all, it’s quite common to experience inner self-conflict. We have to make hundreds of decisions on daily basis. It may be as small as going grocery shopping – being indecisive in choosing between honey and peanut butter to bigger decision in life such as changing career or staying where you are.

You are left with cocktail of emotions, cost of your time, effort and energy. It can be uncomfortable, stressful and frustrating. We learn to avoid, suppress or withdraw from conflict. This can also leave you feeling lack of confidence and low self-esteem.

You may find yourself dwelling in these particular behaviours questioning “why can’t I make quick and confident decisions like everyone else?” “Why am I so indecisive about everything?” “How can I get rid of this behaviour?” “Do I know what I want?” “Aghrrr, it’s so frustrating. I just want to be able to make up my mind about things and not turn back. What’s wrong with me?”

You then decide to be completely opposite, but find yourself feeling guilty for choosing one thing and not the other, going back to same habitual pattern over and over again. I know how it feels to be going round and round in a circle.

Normally when we feel something negative, we want to get rid of it immediately. That is not the way. I’m sure you have experienced this in the past. The more we try not to think about something, the more we think about it. So let’s take a different approach. In this blog and video we will be using Emotional Freedom Technique (Tapping).



It is important to understand that every behaviour is learnt, which means you must have learnt this self-conflict behaviour too. You might have encountered your primary care-giver, your teacher, your grandparents or someone from your past playing this role and you picked up this pattern from them.

Like any self-development programme, self-conflict is a path to understand oneself. It begins with giving space and being gentle with yourself. Please agree to do this before reading further, because it plays a crucial part.

If you want to make the changes and work with inner self-conflict, here are few quick suggestions:

First step is to recognise these patterns. Be mindful of what is happening and catch yourself when you find yourself in the situation.

Second step is to be kind to yourself. This behaviour pattern is frustrating as it is, don’t put extra pressure by being hard on yourself.

Third step is to accept yourself just as you are – without any judgements.

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